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"In fact as a teenager I had come to the “mature” conclusion (!) that life ended in death and that Jesus was nothing more than a good teacher..."
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When I meet people for the first time I always have a problem with the question, “Where are you from?” Born in England, I have a Canadian accent, an Irish passport and a Scotsman for a husband!
On the other hand I never have a problem with the more important question, “Where are you going?” I know for sure that I’m going to be with Jesus for all eternity.
Mind you, I haven’t always been so confident. In fact as a teenager I had come to the “mature” conclusion (!) that life ended in death and that Jesus was nothing more than a good teacher. I even argued (in total ignorance of the biblical facts) against His importance as God or Saviour.
I can see now that in doing so I was freeing myself from any moral obligations so that I could go on doing my own thing and find happiness.
The real problem started when it became evident that what seemed like happiness when viewed from a distance was really a mirage, offering no real satisfaction or pleasure.
18 had seemed like an age of great freedom. The reality was self-conscious misery, as I struggled with social inferiority watching my friends move into a world of “relationships”, a place where I feared to follow.
I consoled myself with study and aimed for the top, only to be robbed of it through the ill effects of stress and pressure. Bad grades and a sense of failure were my reward.
At university I spent 4 years avoiding the pressure of competitive study while looking for a good time outside the classroom. Yet I had no pleasure from the camaraderie of student life. Mostly I watched from the sidelines afraid to be myself and to let myself be known.
My greatest source of happiness through all these years was to be alone with nature and through the music of John Denver I desired to experience a “oneness”, with nature. Sunsets over the ocean bathed me in the miracle of beauty but nonetheless only intensified a sense of loneliness. No matter, how long I sat communing with nature it remained a one way conversation with me asking all the questions!!
So I had to admit after 26 years of seeking happiness at the end of my next rainbow all I had found was emptiness and depression and a whole lifetime to enjoy it in!!
Societies answer to such a situation is a “shrink”. I’m thankful that it isn’t God’s answer.
At just the time when my empty heart was ready to hear it, I was told of God’s great LOVE for me. Even though I had spent years denying God He was more than willing to answer my cry for help. As I cried out for answers He did not remain silent. I came to see that leaving God out of my life was the root of the problem. He had given me life and He knew best how I should live it – but I hadn’t been listening. Like a rebellious teenager I was determined to do things my own way. And I had made a mess.
At that time I read the words of Jesus in Matthews gospel, “If you want to keep our life for yourself you will lose it. But it you give up your life for me you will find true life.”
And as I handed over control – as I decided at last to follow God’s direction – I knew for the first time what “true life” was.
Still 21 years later, through ups and downs, Jesus has continued to be my help and strength. And even more – I have the promise of life with Him forever.
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Ordinary people in Ireland with Real life Experiences with God
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