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"We frequented those pubs in town where we could roll up freely and smoke and drink and of course listen to the kind of music that would send us on trips to other places in our minds ..."
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I can remember a time when I had said to myself, “if only I had a Bible I could read it”. You see I had felt that I had exhausted all of what life had to offer in the way on entertainment before I was 21. I was brought up in a very loving home with a wonderful father and mother; there were 3 boys and 4 girls and mom and dad. But we seemed to be loved equally.
I left school very early to find work, become a man, and have money of my own. I suppose for me it was the thing to do, as I really had no interest in school, I spent most of my time dreaming of being out of doors doing something completely different from what I was doing at the time. So for me to get a job was my ticket to freedom. My older brothers were working already, coming home with new shirts and the latest records and at that time starting to drink. I had plenty of training watching them going down that road. So it wasn’t long before I took that same road myself.
Before long we were drinking going to night clubs and dancing the night away until the early hours of morning, things happen so fast, while decisions are made without your knowing where that road leads too. The road to destruction is really wide open before you. So for me there was many a destructive influence in my early school of life. All of my teenage life was surrounded with drink, every social event was full of it, and of course you had to get a drunk. But it wasn’t long before a new and even more destructive substance was brought onto the scene. I can recall my brother coming home one night and in the bedroom he took a plastic bag out of his pocket with green stuff chopped up like grass. He rolled up some papers put this stuff in and lit up and we smoked our first joints. We laughed the night away, but sorrow would surely come later; another decision that seemed to be out of my control. You see God was never invited into any of our decisions in life, but there would soon come a time when I would cry out to Him to save me.
Smoking grass, hash and many other forms of drugs became part of our lives from then on. We frequented those pubs in town where we could roll up freely and smoke and drink and of course listen to the kind of music that would send us on trips to other places in our minds – David Bowie, the Rolling Stones, the Doors, Thin Lizzie, Black Sabbath etc. Black Sabbath was one group that brought me into a deeper, a darker side of life, and to be truthful I was afraid of the images it brought to my mind, places of darkness that I was not aware of before seemed to present themselves to my open mind while under the influence of drugs, the sense of dark spiritual realities.
I had been going strongly with a girl, at that time we had been going out for three or four years. We were very much into that sort of stuff, she could smoke as much grass as I could, drink as much as well, we spent all our time together going to different pubs and going to some parties where there was always some drugs to be had. We were sucked into this kind of life style; again all the wrong decisions were made in life. I was in darkness. It is hard to believe that at such a young age you could have all the privileges of a relationship, living very loosely, drinking heavily, smoking what you want to; doing what you want and think there was going to be no time of reckoning to come. But for me that time was coming. That kind of living can’t go on forever, my physical state was breaking down and my teenage years seemed to flitter by and the effects were showing.
Just like lightening out of the blue every thing was falling apart, the relationship fell apart, and it was like all of a sudden I woke up to reality and boy were things bad. Everything that I knew was falling apart, I was burnt out and alone. Things had caught up with me, I was like the man on the Jericho road, bleeding and dying, knocked down and in need of help. There was such a tremendous emptiness and brokenness in my heart; I felt I had been left for dead on the road of life. They say if you can’t do the time don’t do the crime, but for me in my ignorance I never thought that things would catch up so quickly.
Somewhere in all of this I wanted to believe that there could be a different way, I wanted a new life somehow, but how? As I said at the start, the thought came to my mind if I had a Bible I could read it.
One night I said to myself, “You have enough of what the world has to offer”, and I didn’t want to go on as I was going, so while in my bedroom I called out to the Lord. I said, “Lord, I know it says somewhere in the Bible that you shall have no strange Gods before me, but I don’t know you and you have never helped me, and I don’t want any other God so please will you help me.” God’s grace moved towards me, yes a cry from the heart is all it takes, and Gods love is ready to act on our behalf.
I was driving for a company around that time and it is amazing how God can bring along one of His people to show you your next step. He has a plan for your life. This guy I went to school with years ago pulled up beside me in his van, he took a leaflet out of his pocket came to the window of my van, gave it to me and said, “Brendan you look miserable, you need Jesus.” How right he was, how did he know, why was he delivering to the same place as me on that day, how was it he went to school with me and that he found Jesus and was happy to share the gospel with me that day. I can only say God heard my cry, my prayer to Him that time alone in my room.
The leaflet was called “The Voice of Blood”. It was about Cain killing Abel and how the voice of his blood called out to God from the ground, there was a list of sins, a long list of sins, and I saw what sin had done to Jesus, how He had to die for our sins, for my sins. I was guilty of all those sins on that leaflet but I saw that if I came to Jesus He would forgive me and give me a new life in Him.
I really wanted and needed a new life. I didn’t reveal my heart to my school friend at the time but went home and read and re-read the leaflet over and over again. This was it, Jesus was my lifeline. I was a drowning man and I was going to hang on to Him for the hope I needed and I am so glad that I did, I had no other hope besides Him. As the song goes, “ My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and His righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly lean on Jesus name.” And this is what I did, I saw the address on the tract for a Bible study and on a winters night I went to it, and sat at the back and soaked up the Word of God. I knew there was healing to be found in Jesus, God's Holy Spirit was working in my heat drawing me to Himself. There was so much love and acceptance from the people, I knew I had found the place where God could work in my life.
Like the prodigal I had come home and my Fathers arms were embracing me with His love. The journey had begun but I was no longer alone, I learnt about prayer and how to pray, how to read the Bible and above all to have Jesus as Lord of my life, His friendship with me all the way. No longer just me but Jesus and me.
I came to Him for forgiveness and for salvation and restoration, there was so much healing and help that I needed from Him and I can truly say He is a master craftsman at restoration. He makes all things beautiful in His time. He has done so much in my life and for me, it would take a book to tell all about it. I will always need to stay close to my best friend, because I know I can trust Him with all my decisions in my life and now I know I can make the right ones.
The best one of all was coming to Him with my life. My walk with God is on going and has been for the last twenty years, and He has been so faithful to me. Yes it can be a hard road, but it the best one of all. God has blessed me with a beautiful Christian wife and friend and also with two beautiful little boys, Mark and Evan. I tell you there is nothing that God cannot do for you if only you will come to Him with your life. He can restore you and do for you what no one or anything else in this world can do, and for all eternity you will be thanking Him for what He has done.
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Ordinary people in Ireland with Real life Experiences with God
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