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"By now I had retired ... One morning the priest read from Ephesians 2:8 – “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves it is the gift of God...”
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SEEKING HEALING AND FINDING GOD
I thought I was a Christian and that I’d be canonised. I went to mass every day, said rosaries, did good works, penances and went to Knock frequently. After a long, hard day at my job, I’d go home and pray all night to Mary. I thought this would save me and bring me to heaven when I died. I believed I couldn’t be saved and go to heaven outside the Catholic Church and that Mary was the way to God. In the Catholic Church I was taught that there are mortal sins that would send you to Hell if you didn’t repent (and go to confession) and venial sins, which sent you to Purgatory and you’d get out of that if people had enough masses said for you.
Some years ago, I developed a severe case of tinnitus. I had constant noise in my ears and often felt dizzy. I found it difficult and embarrassing to be with people when I couldn’t hear. I was afraid they’d think I was stupid.
That was my pride, of course. I began to go to prayer meetings, looking for healing. I went to two charismatic meetings a week and would go all over the country if I heard of a healing meeting. Almost everyone came out of those meetings walking on air but I left with a long face because I still couldn’t hear and I felt empty.
I then began to read spiritual books. I had never read the Bible except at Secondary School where we read the four gospels and had to have them word perfect but they were never explained to us and to me they were double Dutch. I began to go to Bible Studies, not connected with Romans Catholicism. It was so stark and contradicted everything that I’d been taught but I didn’t know if it was true. It told me that all my efforts would not get me into heaven. It explained that we should not pray to Mary and the saints since, as the Bible states, we have only one Mediator with God, Jesus Christ (1 Timothy 2:5). All this was startling revelation to me and it opened my eyes.
I got a Bible and began to read it. Psalm 25:4-5 really struck me. “Make me know your ways, Oh Lord; teach me your paths; lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of Salvation. For you I wait all the day”. By now I had retired and I spent a lot of time reading the Bible, always praying Psalm 25 before I started. I was still going to daily mass. My husband and I went to Sunday mass together.
One morning the priest read from Ephesians 2:8 – “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves it is the gift of God.” I thought he might preach on this but instead, he talked about a pilgrimage to Knock and a novena to blessed Martin. I felt I couldn’t go to mass again. On occasion, I have felt sad seeing my husband going to mass by himself. But then, I know I have to serve God and going to mass was not the way. My husband was upset. To him the Bible was a Protestant book. Since then he has changed, he likes to talk about religion.
I continued to go to Bible studies and read the Bible. Finally, the Lord took the veil from my eyes and I saw I was a sinner and needed Jesus’ death on the cross to save me.
The change this has made in my life isn’t external. It’s an inner peace that I would not exchange for anything. I am no longer afraid to die. I take every opportunity to speak to people about Jesus. I want others to have what I have – to know the truth and that Jesus is the only way to salvation. I feel very deeply for people who are alone or sick and I want to help them but I’m not earning my way to heaven. I am obeying God’s command to us in John 13:34 to love one another as he loved us. I saw quite clearly that I was and still am a sinner saved by grace, through faith in Jesus Christ, my Saviour. Today, I try not to sin but when I do I repent, knowing my just and loving God will forgive me (1 John 1:9).
My tinnitus has never been totally healed but it only affects me occasionally now and it has taught me patience and understanding. That was a hard lesson for an independent lady. And I now have peace with God.
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Ordinary people in Ireland with Real life Experiences with God
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